Greatest Candy of All-Time Candidate: Oreo Bar

In part two of what could end up as an infinite series of posts, I examine another candidate for the greatest candy bar of all-time. After nominating Fast Breaks, it’s time to talk about another wonderful candy. Ready to break your New Year’s diet?

The year 2017 was filled with terrible news stories. Beginning with the first year of President Joffrey Baratheon’s four-year term in the United States, it was a 365 day streak of worry, frightfulness, and despair.

donald trump
He’s a stable genius. (Photo Courtesy of

Some good did come out of 2017. Jenny and I spent each day together and discovered Oreo Bars, a new favorite candy of ours. It’s such a delicious treat I’m willing to nominate it as one of the best of all-time.

Oreo Bars don’t get much attention at all. I feel, in general, candy doesn’t get the news coverage it deserves. Halloween is the only time when journalists report on candy. Usually, they only go with the bad tales of kids eating razor blades or stealing from one another. Last year, though, should’ve involved more breaking news stories about how wonderful Oreo Bars are. I feel like global warming distracted from the more important events like my discovery of these great candies.

oreo candy bar
If you thought I looked fatter, these are to blame. (Photo Courtesy of

As much as I adore Fast Breaks, Oreo Bars have two advantages. The first is that it’s far easier to share. Oreo Bars come in breakable pieces, allowing Jenny and I to divide equally. However, we usually just end up buying two and sharing it that way.

The second thing Oreo Bars have over Fast Breaks is they go wonderfully with coffee. One of my routines is to drink a cup of coffee after dinner. On really good days, that coffee includes an Oreo Bar dipped in it. Fast Breaks don’t react at all when dipped in coffee. They’re like a New Yorker watching a stranger get mugged.

Oreo Bars also tend to come in different sizes. You can buy a single bar, a double bar, or a giant M.F’er good enough for the whole family–or two bees. This variety allows for gluttons of all sizes to enjoy.

oreo bar
When you love Oreo bars so much the chocolate gets stuck under your fingernails and you don’t bother to do anything about it. (Photo Courtesy of

Growing up, Oreos were a big part of my life. They were like a father and mother figure to me. Even if everyone continually told us how bad the cream in the center is, I never refused to indulge. With this latest invention by the good people at Oreo, my childhood replacement parents are back on the map and ready to compete with everything Milton Hershey’s greedy relatives are ready to push out.

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