Was 2017 the Year of Women Sleeping with Monsters?

Did anyone else notice how many women were sleeping with monsters in 2017? It all began with Donald and Melania on inauguration night and exploded into a year of grotesque beasts getting their rocks off with human females.

Movies are the biggest culprit here. I like to think it’s because movies are written from fantasy and most screenwriters are ghoulish trolls. So, it makes perfect sense that they’d write fiction about inter-species fluid swapping.

harvey weinstein
Harvey Weinstein isn’t a Hollywood writer, but he sure knows a thing or two about spreading your seed wherever possible. I heard they used it to make Avatar. (Photo Courtesy of ETOnline.com)

Jenny and I didn’t go to the movies too much this year. We’re too cheap for that. However, we did see two movies in 2017 with the plot focusing on non-humans fornicating with homo sapiens.

In early Spring, we saw Beauty and the Beast. Even my dad saw this movie and he has as many hobbies as a tree. His only take on the movie is that “the beast was better looking as a monster than a human.” I can’t say I disagree.

the beast
After seeing his human face, Belle threw herself off the castle. (Photo Courtesy of Hypable.com)

Surely, if you’ve experienced even an ounce of life, you know the Beauty and the Beast tale. I won’t go into details because I’ll sound like an insane person. The main takeaway is that this was an incredibly popular movie about a woman having sex with a large dog.

More recently, Jenny and I saw another movie with a similar premise. The Shape of Water, Guillermo del Toro’s latest romp, is about a woman who has butterflies in her tummy for a sea creature. He has them back and, well, the movie isn’t subtle about the next step in their relationship. There’s a scene where they actually explain how it’s possible to make love.

shape of water
You think he wears a Brita filter on his junk when they do it?

Jenny and I didn’t intend to see so many movies with gross creatures sleeping with humans. We did skip out on Tom Cruise’s version of The Mummy, which is another film about two things that shouldn’t mate. What happened in 2016 that made 2017 the year of animals banging humans?

There’s a theme going with our movie watching experiences in theaters. The first movie we saw in theaters together here in the US was Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. As Jenny pointed out, there’s more animal-on-human sex there. The difference is this Harry Potter spin-off made it non-consensual even if no penetration actually took place.

Just to add an asterisk to this list, we did see La La Land in early 2017 from theater seats. It doesn’t quite earn a spot because neither Ryan Gosling or Emma Stone are human. Ryan Gosling is some sort of tired reptile and Emma Stone is a an old stick with some mascara.

emma stone
Emma Stone’s newest headshot. (Photo Courtesy of Toyhalloffame.org)

What movies or events in 2018 will include more humans boning non-human objects in 2018? I’m certain Japan has a few up their sleep in both areas.

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