Netflix is known for its lackluster streaming movie selection and hit-and-miss TV shows. Oh and for breaking the mold of how we watch television and movies. I should give them credit there.
Not everything I’ve watched on Netflix ended well. In fact, there are some shows I didn’t finish at all. I decided to make a list here so I could take a proverbial dump on each.
Orange is the New Black
I got far into the first season. I’d say episode 9 or 10? Then I gave up. Something about watching women jump around in prison didn’t excite me. They were too happy having girl time and not miserable enough missing out on Instagram posts of people’s lunches like normal people. The characters are not likable. I understand a show like this has its audience and some people must love the characters. Look at how some people defend Donald Trump. It’s impossible for anyone to go life being completely unloved.
I couldn’t even go into a description about this British “comedy.” It’s odd. It’s strange. It’s the reason why England lost its spot as the best country in the world and is probably now somewhere in the teens. Jenny and I really gave this one a chance. After two episodes, we took it into the backyard and shot it Old Yeller style.
In all fairness, I watched the first episode of this because I was really into sadomasochism at the time. It was as bad as I expected. Fuller House gets credit for meeting my expectations.
I was doing something else when Jenny attempted to start watching The Ranch. Five laugh tracks into the show, she turned it off and took an 8pm nap.
Back Off Haters
Jenny and I were drawn to this one because of the paint we were watching dry had finally done so. With nothing better to do, we watched a few minutes of this abomination. We never went back.
The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
My attempt at watching this popular Netflix original happened shortly after the show came out. I decided to judge it fairly. If I didn’t laugh within the first ten minutes, it was over. I didn’t. I moved on and likely wasted the evening playing a baseball simulation game alone in the dark.
Despite the title, this had nothing to do with closing your eyes whilst in a swimming pool. This is actually the story of someone who lived long ago and Mongolians. It’s very boring and confusing. Add more swimming pools, please.
Fresh from watching Spartacus (one of my favorite shows) I attempted to watch another historical piece on Netflix. This one didn’t hold my attention as well. The pilot moved slower than me in a swimming pool playing Marco Polo. I didn’t let a second episode waste my time.
Just so we’re all balanced, I did want to mention another list worth sharing. Sometimes there are terrible shows on Netflix that I somehow manage to finish. Two pop into my head.
Horrible Netflix Shows I Did Finish
I watched the first season of Real Rob. It’s a Rob Schneider sitcom so you know it’s basically 9/11 all over again. The show did make me laugh sparingly (the same amount of sweets and fats we should eat according to a food pyramid). However, this is Rob Schneider we’re talking about. I think this show was better for keeping me company and titillating my senses with its nonsense than anything else. I never got around to the second season because my insanity has been cured.
Starring Will Arnettflix Original (my nickname for him), Flaked is an unfunny melodrama about nothing. Even the description on Netflix is vague. I watched the first season hoping something funny would happen. Nothing ever did. Why do I have any hope at all?