My biggest regret in life is that time Jenny and I went to the aquarium and I didn’t ask an incredibly offensive yet logical question.

If you’ve been following along for a few months, you may remember that time we went to the beach. No? Let me post the video below.

A lot has changed since then. For one, the shirt I wore to the beach that day stopped fitting me. I can cram back into it again, but I likely look like a potato repackaged into a smaller bag.

Let’s not focus on how out-of-control my diet has been over the last few months. Instead, let’s revisit why I refused to be a complete ass despite everything else I did in this video.

You see, at one point in our journey through the aquarium, we got to pet a stingray. The woman who held the sting ray, let’s call her “Slave of the Stingray”, mentioned how not-so-dangerous these animals are.

I had to bite my tongue. There were kids around. I forget the exact wording, but she basically said stingrays cannot kill people.

To her, I have two words: Steve Irwin

If stingrays aren’t deadly then how does the Crocodile Hunter get impaled by one? I know it stabbed him in the heart (Source: Wikipedia) so perhaps it’s like saying cereal is safe to eat with the asterisk. If the cereal is made of razor blades circumstances change.

Only because I didn’t want to get into a debate with a 19-year-old studying marine biology in front of lots of children, I kept quiet. Unfortunately, I feel like I did a disservice to those kids. Now they’re going to go out into the woods or wherever it is stingrays frolic and pick a fight. They’ll think they’re safe. In reality, they’re not.

Given a second chance, I would have put the Slave of the Stingray on blast and called her out for lying. Stingrays are dangerous. How could they not be? They have sharp pointy penises growing out of their butts or something.

I know more about marine life than you, girl. Stop with the fibs. Tell those kids the awful truth.