Old People Have Fewer Goals Therefore They Must Love Soccer

The older I get, the fewer goals I seem to have for myself. Maybe it’s because the goals I do have are bigger.

I want to have a family with Jenny. That includes babies and a job to help support them. Preferably, it’s a job I enjoy. I’d also like to live somewhere a little less crowded.

Basically, I want to be a farmer in 1800s Nebraska, but with more vaccines readily available.

Goals like these weigh a lot more than the ones I used to have. These are the types of goals old people enter a new year with. I suppose with this being the first year in my 30s, I’m officially a member of the elderly community.

elderly community
2018 Goals: Look younger than this in 12 months. (Photo Courtesy of Wur.Nl)

I know that I’m not actually “old.” I do feel like I’m the smartest kid in the dumb class. Which, by the way, is a great feeling. I experienced that twice in school. Everyone looks up to you. You’re practically a god among them just because you understand fractions.

Now that my 2017 calendar no longer has a purpose, it’s time to start planning the upcoming year. When we make plans at the beginning of a new year, they’re often called “resolutions” because we all want to be better creatures in the upcoming period in which the earth revolves around the sun. There are plenty of things I resolve to this year. As huge as many of my goals are, it all starts with the small things.

blink 182
Remember mumbling to Blink 182’s “All the Small Things?” to impress your middle school classmates. I do. (Photo Courtesy of Wikipedia)

Jenny and I are attempting to drop some weight this year. It’s a monthly tradition we haven’t kept with for a few months. We’re also hoping to save up more money. I know these goals are nothing specific and rather unoriginal. But hey, they’re achievable. I would rather be fatter and poorer than I’d like than to have other issues people struggle with. It’s not like I have a perpetual peach-fuzz mustache like some adult men.

I feel it’s important to always have goals. I also feel my testicles once a week after a shower, hoping I don’t find any unusual lumps. That’s another part of getting older that I dislike. You have to worry about getting sick and paying for the bills. Kids get sick and John Cena visits them in the hospital. Getting old is tough and I can see why many eventually give up on their goals.

Neither of us plan to follow that route. We’re doing our best to make life more meaningful. With any luck, it includes more creating together.

naked snowman
One of our latest creations. How old are we?

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