A little over a year ago, before Jenny arrived and moved in with me, I wouldn’t say I was a very vain person. I’m still not compared to most people. You should see the stains on my clothes and how much they don’t bother me.  I’m fairly certain my current clothing is just food I spilled on myself that has since crusted over.

Since Jenny joined me in the US, one major difference I do feel is how I’m probably not as shallow about my own appearance as I once was. This is quite strange considering I had over three years to let myself go while in a relationship with someone half a world away. I’d exercise regularly, eat right, and wouldn’t dare go out in public while wearing shorts. Now the entire state has seen my thin, pale shins. Several have probably even been temporarily blinded or reported seeing a ghost to their local papers.

Marriage is a funny thing. I haven’t completely thrown in the towel, but I’m far more likely to accept what I really am: not perfect.

Nobody is. Look in the mirror. See that flawed person? That’s you, dummy. Crafted by God while slightly inebriated. There’s no symmetry at all and your personality is an empty wasteland of nostalgia. That’s you. Then one day you’re nothing.

A lot of the time people will learn about how Jenny and I met then mention how true our love must be. Why else would we put up with so much distance for so long?

I can’t say I disagree with them. What we have is special and not built on shallow intentions. We wouldn’t have wait as long as we did if we didn’t truly want to end up together.

Being shallow takes work. You need to put yourself and your priorities ahead of everyone else. This doesn’t work in a marriage. There are two or more people in those–depending on your religious affiliation or how poor your memory may be. All good marriages require you to toss away shallow thoughts, even those non-long distance ones. With a year and a week married now under my belt, I can safely say unconditional affection is the one long-lasting element in a happy relationship.