This time Jenny and I swear we’ll stick with our diet. We’ve watched too many episodes of My 600 Pound Life to fail. All it took was one whiny woman who cries like a tea kettle going off to convince us we needed a change.
Dieting while married is a complicated thing. On one hand I don’t see the point. I can eat whatever I want now, logically, since I’ve now found my partner. Of course, this could always change if I let things get too out of hand. At which point, dieting becomes a necessity.
I can only speak for myself when I say that this current dieting the Two Bees are going on is different. We’re not looking for abs, bikini bridges, or even Calvin Klein model deals. We just want to feel a little better about ourselves. We just want to love what we see in the mirror the same way the other admires us.
After nearly two months of marriage I can genuinely say I understand why old people get so fat and let themselves go. There’s no pressure anymore. The only person I’m trying to impress makes my lunch, bed, and me happy. Why give up pizza if I know she’ll continue to do these things anyway?
I’ve only been married for a short period of time. Already I have learned the benefits and horrors of having a partner.
The benefits are quite obvious when it comes to dieting. I have someone I can go on this adventure with. Jenny has my back the same way I have hers.
The horrors are quite similar. Because I have someone who will follow down the same path, we can drag each other down. There is a reason why Kit Kats have multiple pieces. The bastards at Hershey are not just targeting one member of your family with obesity. They want to get at least a couple of you.
Back in November when Jenny first arrived we spent about a week and a half eating unhealthy foods until we got pretty strict on a diet. This was easier. We had a wedding coming up which meant fitting into a dress and tuxedo. You only get one chance at great wedding photos (because wedding photographers cost a lot of money) so we wanted to make sure we got the best pictures possible. We want our future children to look back at those pictures and wonder what the hell happened to their plus-size mom and dad. This is, of course, assuming Jenny and I eventually do fully give into temptation.
Right now our refrigerator has a list of three different diet meal plans. We will cycle through them just to keep things interesting. In November, our diet was the same thing each day. We got bored quickly then decided to spiral out of control for the next two months. I can’t tell you how many times Jenny and I murdered ice cream in one sitting together.
I suppose this is one of those challenges in married life. It’s all about finding a balance between caring too much about what you look like and realizing the other will love you no matter what.