We write a lot of toilet humor jokes on this blog. It’s not really a comedy blog either or a support group for those with IBS. Two Bees in a Blog is about our relationship which went from long distance to marriage.

But Jenny and I love poop jokes. We love being politically incorrect. Why is it? Why are we, and many others, so amused by toilet humor?

Well, I learned why recently. It’s because we cannot escape pooping. We go into a bathroom about a dozen times a day, at least. Odds say we’ll have uncomfortable moments during our elimination phase. At the time of my writing this, I’ve experienced several in the last few hours.

I’ve had to poop for quite some time now. Jenny and I were first at Panera Bread when the feeling struck me. My mistake was drinking a coffee while away from home. Coffee goes through me very quickly. It’s like I’ve swallowed Usain Bolt and my anus is the finish line. Just looking at a Starbucks barista makes me want to pinch a loaf.

Unfortunately you need to use a number on your receipt in order to use the Panera bathrooms. I didn’t save the receipt and telling an employee about my predicament was out of the question. So, we went across the street to the best place to poop: the public library.

I assumed the library would have a somewhat nice bathroom. Instead, I was greeted to Donald Trump gravity and a toilet with stains on the back which I’m pretty sure wasn’t brownie crumb remnants. Desperate to move my bowels, I attempted to squat, but my poor ankle flexibility forced me to sit on the toilet. It wasn’t long before I did my business as other library patrons small-talked only feet away and emptied their own bodies of dinner.

Without going into great detail, I’ll just leave it at how horrible it was to poop in a stall located beside the paper towel holster. Are they holsters? I feel like that word is exclusive for cowboy guns. I guess, if a cowboy was a germaphobe though, he might carry around paper towels in a holster.

Regardless of this, I don’t like pooping with the sound effects of people wiping their hands. No sound effects, in fact. Not even the comedic working of Michael Winslow is soothing while pooping.

The best of Michael Winslow. As if there’s anything that shouldn’t be included here!

I felt very unclean after this bathroom experience. I tried to finish the job at a McDonald’s later on; to make my own arch in the toilet. However, the one toilet was already occupied. I made sure to get a visual of who occupied the lone stall (Lone Stall, by the way, is the name of a cowboy I created that is a germaphobe unable to poop in public) once he exited several minutes later.

If you haven’t thrown up yet, you’ve hopefully learned why it is that poop humor is so popular with me. It’s inescapable. Pooping is something we all do and can relate to. Name anyone that has ever existed and they have pooped. It’s our most shared experience in life apart from dying.