On the most recent beecation the strangest morning Jenny and I happened pretty early on. I think it was Tuesday morning, a day after I had recovered from vomiting following my flight to the Philippines. I woke up at maybe 4-5AM only to notice Jenny was already wide awake and watching YouTube videos on her phone. Typically when I wake up at 4-5AM it’s because I have to pee or I’m on fire. In this instance, I fell asleep at like 8PM the day before. Jenny’s much more of an early bird. I think it has something to do with her actually having a soul and me selling mine in an attempt to become popular in middle school.

The specific videos Jenny watched were all about make-up. She is not that much of a girly girl. I think she was hoping they were actually make-up applying videos gone wrong with preppy girls accidentally stabbing their eyes. Some were with annoying girls while others were with stupid girls. I lost track of how many of each we watched together.

As it always happens on the Internet, one thing led to another. I think we were watching a video of a fat girl putting on make-up which then had YouTube recommend to us that we watch a documentary about Paul Mason, the World’s Fattest Man.

I know it’s not grammatically correct to capitalize each letter in his title. However, the guy was almost half a ton. You have to give him the capital letters out of respect. He could take down an elevator full of people just by stepping in there.

Of course, there isn’t much stepping going on in Paul’s life. He was confined to a bed where he’d pretty much lie there eating all day with occasional breaks to cry. His nurse would flip him over to clean. Basically, he was Bart Simpson in his fantasy about gaining a lot of weight.

I won’t give you too many spoilers on Paul’s life as you can watch the actual video at the end of this post. I just want it to be made known that I traveled to the other side of the planet to spend my early morning doing this. The strangest part, I wouldn’t change a thing.

After watching the video Jenny and I felt a lot less guilty about piggying for the next week and a half. Men of Paul Mason’s size certainly do have a purpose and it’s that along with maybe giving the fire department some entertainment when they have to chop down his house to remove him.

My favorite thing about Paul is he seems like a total ass. He is incredibly needy and doesn’t seem to realize he is dependent on others to do everything for him. After losing the weight (ugh, I’m such a spoiler) his attitude only seems worse. Former fatties can be particularly annoying especially when they have to remind you often how at they once were, as if they weren’t the same person who stole so many years off their body by overeating. But enough about me…

I could probably go on forever about Paul Mason the same way he could at an all-you-can eat buffet. If you do find yourself awake early one morning, I do suggest watching the following feature presentation: