How to Eat Starbucks Tuna Pumpernickel Sandwiches

At the airport on our way to Jenny’s hometown we stopped at Starbucks for a place to sit and grab some food because damn it how can we resist munching?

Jenny made it no secret from the start of our relationship how big a fan she is of tuna. I think her old Skype slogan was “I like tuna sandwich.” She’s weird like that and it always makes me laugh because it completely takes away from the whole point. Whose slogan, other than one of those weird former USSR countries, would ever be “I like tuna sandwich”?

When we stopped in at Starbucks and we saw tuna sandwiches were available we had to get them. We had shared tuna a few times during this second Beecation, eating it straight from the can like two loving hobos should. This time at Starbucks our tuna eating was a little fancier as we had tables and napkins; not just our pants. Each time we ate tuna prior was either standing up or while lying in bed. Honestly, I’m not sure when the last time I ate anything at an actual table was.

Here’s everything you need to know about how to eat a tuna sandwich on pumpernickel bread:

Starbucks’ tuna sandwiches are served on pumpernickel bread. It’s a dark shade similar to chocolate. Don’t let this fool you. You’re not eating a dessert. Not everything dark is chocolate, dummy. However, in order to fully enjoy your tuna pumpernickel sandwich you should also have a candy bar and some coffee to dip it in like Jenny and I did. This is the way bees do it. Oh and we finish every last bite.

Tuna eaten, candy bar finished, and the love of your life across from you: what more does a bee need?
Tuna eaten, candy bar finished, and the love of your life across from you: what more does a bee need?

After finishing your tuna you should go through security, find a place to sit, and watch the first 20 minutes of The Lost Boys before you have to switch to another gate. Then you have to sit on a tiny chair on a bus. But that’s a story for another day.

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