Why do they call it a goodbye? When it’s someone you care about there’s nothing good about it. It should be a badbye or a shitbye. Anything but good.
Jenny and I have now had two really hard goodbyes. I think the first was a little harder because it was our first time having to do it. That’s not to say when we said our farewells back at the end of April it was any easier. After spending two weeks with each other non-stop, parting was really tough and another emotional adventure.
Jenny wrote about our first time having to say goodbye. It was rough on us both and lots of tears were dropped. I can still feel the grief. This time around was a little different and not at all less painful.
Even though she wasn’t traveling with me anywhere via plane, Jenny endured the almost hour long bus ride to the airport because she knew how lost I would have gotten otherwise. Plus, I think she likes me. She napped on the bumping ride while I took in the sights and enjoyed seeing rice fields for what was going to be the last time in a long time I would. Rice fields aren’t very common in America if at all existing. Instead of rice fields we have retail stores as far as the eye can see.
The airport I was leaving from was a small one that did not allow anyone sans ticket inside. So after checking in, getting my ticket, and scouting out where I’d need to go as my flight time came closer, I went back outside to join Jenny on a bench where we’d spend our last moments together. I can’t recall exactly how many snacks we ate together, but I’m fairly certain Jenny’s purse was filled with at least a few potato chip bags by the end. We slaughtered lots of food together on beecation. Today, two months later, I’m still 10 pounds more than I was before our first trip together and I eat salads!
We sat close beside each other as we usually would do. This time, we made sure to take advantage of each other’s touch. It’s the one thing you can never get when in a long distance relationship on demand. We can show each other love and admiration in a million ways. Even if we mail each other our skin (hey, I know what I want for my birthday) it’s not the same.
I can still remember Jenny’s face when she knew time was coming closer for me to leave. She was at a loss of words holding back tears. Her breathing even changed, practically coming to a stop. When Jenny is anxious or really happy (oh please don’t hate me for revealing this!) her legs move. I can tell the difference too in the movement. Her happy leg movement is more calf centered and her sad one is more knee sway. Her knees were rocking this time around because she knew our shitbye was coming. It was hard looking her in the eyes knowing how much pain she was feeling knowing there was nothing I could do.
When time came for me to leave we passed our final touch along. We exchanged a hug and a kiss, one we both wish could have had no ending. As we separated I can remember how in sync our bodies were with the final touch we had being at the fingertips. In a totally non-creepy way, I wish she had longer fingers because it would have given me that extra fraction of a second to touch her. She doesn’t need freakishly long fingers; maybe just man hands?
Like the first time we left each other neither of us could watch or at least I think this is the case. I had to march forward without looking back because I knew it would have been too hard to actually see what I was leaving behind. I passed through security then looked out to see if I could spot Jenny anywhere. I didn’t. And this is the last time I’ve seen her in person.
But of course let me not end this so sadly…
We had already mailed our petition for her to come to the US a month and a half earlier. Believing we’d have to wait until August at the earliest for approval, we now know any day now could be the one where we are able to move onto the next step. Realistically, our next shitbye could be on a day where I’m headed to work only to return later in the evening. And it’s coming sooner than we thought!
I’m not a very big fan of Thanksgiving. This year, however, I’ll have a new piggy partner to help me gorge on all the fix-ins.