How My 2018 Went

We’re in a new year which means it’s time to blame our misfortunes on ancient Chinese symbols. I’m not smelly and fat. This is the year of the pig.

We haven’t written much on Two Bees in a Blog this year for a couple of reasons. When we started this blog, we lived on other sides of the world. We were interesting. Now, we spend our New Year’s Eve at home watching the final 40 seconds of a bad YouTube stream of the countdown (which isn’t even accurate) then go back to what it is we were doing.

I suppose this doesn’t make us boring. It’s just not blog-worthy.

Well, you’re in luck today. I’ve gone through my memory bank and decided to share with you my 2018 with a highlight from every month. Really, it’s what I remember best.

Every year of my life I associate with a particular event. In 2016, Jenny and I got married. The whole year was anticipation for her coming to the United States. The following year was about us actually being together.

This most recent year had its thrills, chills, pills, Bills (I was at a urinal between Bill Clinton and the entire starting defensive line of the Buffalo Bills), and memorable moments both good and bad.

bill clinton
“Way to go champ. You peed like no one was watching. We were watching.” – Bill Clinton (Image Courtesy of theamericanconservative.com)

January

I associate this past January with getting yelled at work nearly every single day. It was a job I had been at for two months. I was simply counting down the days until I got fired because, well, it was a horrible place to be.

The best way to describe it would be to think of the opposite of how Disney World is portrayed. I understand for many of you, the opposite is the actual Disney World. So think of that and people constantly yelling at you for nothing at all.

February

February was much kinder to me. I managed to find a new job, quit the old one without any notice (oops!), and I even got a week off between the two gigs. I’ve actually really enjoyed this job and without spoiling much, I’m still there.

March

I got more comfortable at work this month and also started a new online writing gig. I have been writing about sports online for a few years now and someone offered me what I suppose you could consider a promotion. I rarely say “no” to any offers. It’s a big reason why I have so many warts on my junk.

A lot of my free time has been spent writing there this year. This past December, I made enough money to cover our rent. In 2019, we’re upgrading to a larger cardboard box, baby.

The Headless Horseman is having a tough time finding an appropriate gig. (Photo Courtesy of ebay.com)

April

There aren’t any major moments from April (other than someone’s birthday) and I don’t recall any big adventure. This was the month I started wearing headphones to work. Simple pleasures like tuning out the hundreds of people around you make me happy.

May

The month of May always seems to blend in with April. During this time period, I was working Tuesday through Saturday which I liked because I got Monday off to go out and do things. We took advantage by visiting parks as much as we could to see the cherry blossoms and laugh at fat kids playing soccer.

June

Jenny started a new job in June and they wanted her to come in to sign some paperwork on a Monday we planned to go to the beach. It was our only trip to “the shore” all summer long so she told them to “suck it” in Tagalog. They didn’t want to seem ill-informed or racist, so they agreed to let her wait a week.

I was trying to upload a picture of us at the beach, but Google Drive is terrible. So, here’s a picture of a hungry woman’s bikini bridge. (Photo Courtesy of Imagur.com)

July

My poor Jenny suffered from her bed bug bites worse than ever this month. It had already started in June, but didn’t get worse until July. I’m already not a fan of those mid-summer months. Watching someone you love suffer during them makes them much worse.

July also included a devastating blow in its second week. My entire department was getting outsourced. Unlike a television sitcom, they weren’t going to fly me to India for a “fish out of water” trope to help everyone. I immediately applied for another position within the company. After a few weeks of waiting for an answer, I learned I did get the position.

Man, July was a miserable month.

August

We spent about two weeks in August living at hotels to ensure the bed bug treatment was going well. How did you spend your summer vacation?

September

Good old, September! This was the month we finally settled back in at home and even found a new place to live. After six years of living at my old apartment, I was about to move. I didn’t have my sister or dad to help me either. I was going to be a big boy, stop pooping in my diaper, and do it without any adult supervision.

At what age do you start considering yourself an adult? I’m not sure.

Until you can pass through this curtain and not laugh, you will forever be a child. (Photo Courtesy of digitaljournal.com)

October

October is my birthday month so I really only associate it with hoping as few people as possible at work say anything to me. A few did when I first got in. They left me alone for the rest of the day. I love it.

This same month I also began to get very rashy-faced. My eyelids looked like a bad skateboarder’s knee. I did eventually see a doctor with poor posture. He prescribed a medication. Is anyone else having a really dry winter? My face is a giant dandruff flake.

November

Our big move took place in November. We hired movers to assist because I can barely bend over without cursing my existence.

The move went well except for when they disappeared mid-way through then showed up an hour later at the new apartment saying they went on break. Everything was sorted out and now we have one of their heads on a pike near our mailbox as a warning to others.

December

Ah, December. This was a nice relaxing month, for the most part. Jenny had a lot of time off from work to relax. I had a few days, too. It was a pretty good final month to a rocky year.

She trusts me enough to put her in a headlock and I love her enough to not put her to sleep with it. That’s called a winning marriage.

The upcoming year should be an exciting one. I’m not sure how much we’ll share publicly because we’re kind of sick of ourselves. We do both want to continue writing on Two Bees in a Blog. Moving forward, though, we might change things up a bit.

Who wants to read about two married folks who actually like each other? It’s shit quality. We hope to do something better than that in 2019.

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