In the Meadow We Can Build a Pathetic Snowman

The first big snowstorm arrived in our parts this past Thursday. As usual, people panicked and bought up all of the milk, eggs, and brought at the grocery store as they huddled indoors sharpening their spears for the impending 12 hours of minor inconvenience.

Jenny and I weren’t as affected by the snowstorm in a negative way. I got out of work early on Thursday which allowed us a little more time together. Jenny, upon seeing the snow, remained insistent that we build a snowman. It was a bucket list item of hers. Before she came to the US, snow was a mystical thing: like a Republican with a heart.

So, on Friday afternoon, I texted Jenny and told Jenny that we should build a snowman when I got home. There’s a beautiful park not far from us where I knew we could find enough of the white stuff that had not yet been peed on by dogs or town drunks.

We found a well-lit spot in the park to record our snowman building. There was one pile of snow that looked like someone else’s dead snowman. Rather than remain respectful, we pulled a white person maneuver and ransacked the grave for what remained. We mustered up everything we knew about Victor Frankenstein and made our monster snowman.

Our child aka what happens when you mix races. Stay with your own kind, people!
Our child aka what happens when you mix races. Stay with your own kind, people!

He wasn’t the prettiest thing in the world. He’s hardly even good-looking enough to vote for Donald Trump. But he was our first snowman together and that’s something special.

As you can probably tell, we neglected to go with a third layer. If you’ve ever built a snowman, you can probably relate. The base is pretty easy, the middle is a lot more difficult, and the head is almost impossible. Since there wasn’t much snow at all in the first place, this was an even greater challenge. We settled with a two-layered, legless snowman instead with eyes, a nose, a frown, and a crooked uni-brow made of pennies.

Scary snowman
Our “Depressed parents of an honor roll snowman” bumperstick should arrive any day now.

You might ask, why would two people create such a monster? Why bring a life into this world only for it to look so hideous?

I can’t really answer that question. I suppose we just wanted to see what it was like to play God.

We did pass the snowman the next day to discover he had partially melted. Although he no longer stood as tall as he did the day prior, his spirit lives on. Hopefully, it’s busy haunting children.

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