My plans to make this year’s Valentine’s Day a special one for Jenny and me are ruined. Well, not really. I just didn’t get to do everything I had hoped.

First, since it is Saturday, we had to decide earlier this week which movie we’d watch. Among those we had access to the closest to anything romantic was Ex-Machina. This is the story of a guy falling in love with a machine. It’s kind of like a dramatized version of a teenage boy getting an Xbox except in this movie the video game console has boobs.

Braving the nearly zero degree temperatures I made it to the local Redbox with the hopes of renting our romantic film. I had to wait a few minutes for my turn only to see the Redbox kiosk was out of Ex-Machina copies; at least the DVD ones. They had plenty of Blu-Ray copies still available because Blu-Ray is one of the dumbest recent ideas that doesn’t get crapped on enough. People are always looking for cheaper alternatives. They don’t care how clear Johnny Depp’s nose hairs are. People want a good story in a movie or at least loud sounds and shiny colors. We don’t want to pay more for a different experience.

Thankfully there was another kiosk right next to it which I had to wait a few more minutes outside until my turn came. By this point my hands were pretty cold. The wind outside is brutal today in addition to the cold so I had to dodge a few plastic bags and filthy used napkins while out there. When my turn did come I was met with the same “Out of Stock” message while there was a note saying I could rent the Blu-Ray version.

Yeah, no thanks. I think I’ll own a man servant before I ever buy a Blu-Ray player.

I ended up renting one of our alternatives, Hotel Transylvania 2, hoping I don’t need to know a thing about the first to understand this sequel. It was that or Fantastic Four. Last weekend we already watched one movie with a Mara Sister in it when we viewed Pan. I’m not sure I can handle their anorexic faces in back-to-back weeks.

The Redbox also happens to be near the grocery store where I got some food. I also searched around to see if I could pick up some Cadbury Eggs to enjoy during the movie. Since it is Valentine’s Day after all, it was important Jenny and I break our faux diets and enjoy chocolate. There were no Cadbury Eggs there so I decided I’d check later on. When I did, at two more places, there were none.

Are Cadbury Eggs even in existence anymore? I swear I saw them up for grabs the other day. Yet at three different places, including one where I definitely saw them for sale, there was nothing. No sign that these delicious morsels exist were in place. Because of this I am now caught on camera entering one store and then leaving only to go into another store and leaving before returning to the first one and getting another kind of candy. Somewhere a security camera has evidence that I’m a nut case.

It’ll be a dark chocolate bar kind of night for Jenny and me as we watch a cartoon. It’s not the most romantic way to spend Valentine’s Day nor is it the most ideal. Even so, it’s not the point of this made-up holiday loosely based on a Greek God. Valentine’s Day is about spending some time with a person you love and giving yourself diabetes while you do.