There were four times I consciously tried to ignore Timmy: twice when we were separated by almost 9000 miles, twice when we were less than an arm’s length away. Unless there are more instances where I unconsciously made him felt ignored, but I highly doubt that. I am the biggest pest Timmy has probably ever known.
The first time I attempted it, we were fairly new to being Whatevers (aka being in a relationship). I told him that I will try to not message him for an entire day. Basically I let him know that I will be ignoring him. Who does that? It doesn’t matter anyway since I didn’t succeed. I never even lasted 12 hours before I messaged him saying why is he letting me do it?! It is not my fault I try to prove to myself that I don’t need anyone’s attention to feel happy! I should be stoic! Shouldn’t depend on anyone ever at all! Especially a MAN!!!
The second, third, and fourth time though he was caught unprepared. Those were the result of me being overly sensitive and feeling hurt. Second was when he was trying to sleep and I was being a pest and kept on “touching him” (his exact words). Third was when I was being an annoying whiner and he told me not to whine. Fourth was when he joked how I was bossy and I knew he was joking but I still felt spurned.
All of those instances triggered my go-to (and I believe most women’s) response whenever I felt rejected in any f0rm: ignore the person involved for as long and as much as you can. Or, with Timmy’s case, at least try to.
I didn’t want to do it. But I did. It’s just the way I’m used to with processing things. Still, it took away time from us (a few hours for the second and fourth time, several minutes for the third time). Time that we could have used to work about the issue at hand. Time that we could have used explaining our sides. Time that we could have used to kiss, and cuddle, and make out. I mean make up!
My relationship with Timmy isn’t perfect. But both of us try to make it work. We never accuse each other, instead we try to be as honest with our feelings as possible. Yes, even the negative ones. The age old assumption that your partner should be able to know what’s wrong just based with your nonverbal cues (such as ignoring) is plain bullshit. If you want to have a dramatic relationship, fine, stick to that. It won’t make you happy though. Worse, it will just make you doubt if he/she is really the right one for you. It won’t make you better partners. Good partners are those who try to solve their issues together, where apologies are readily given and accepted, where solutions are always sought out. Also, good partners are those who agree to eat a chocolate before the designated date and time.
The worst thing about it is that ignoring someone you love doesn’t really hurt that person as much as it is hurting you. Try not to do it (self, you’re included). Not only are you losing precious time–something that you cannot ever make or take back–you’re also hurting somebody who loves you and whom you love most in the world.