Defending Big Ed from 90 Day Fiance

You may have seen his face, his blubbering tears, his long and often colorful t-shirts, and never seen his neck. I am talking about Big Ed from 90 Day Fiance. He’s the one glimmering hope the world has in 2020. He brought more joy than The Tiger King and one sentence out of his mouth is better than anything on TikTok.

Hot dogs are made from spare parts of pigs and Big Ed was made from spare parts of humans. (Photo Courtesy of Cinema Blend)

For those unfamiliar with him or the concept of 90 Day Fiance, it’s a show where one American and one foreigner meet, sometimes in person for the first time, and then see if they want to proceed with getting married. Many are at different stages of their relationship. Some haven’t even realized the other is a dude scamming them for money to get their junk safely cut off.

Almost always done via the K1 Visa process, it’s something I completely understand because it’s how Jenny and I became a happily married couple. And wouldn’t you know, Big Ed’s other half also happens to be from the Philippines.

Maybe the most loving this pair has ever looked. (Photo Courtesy of Blasting News)

*As a quick aside, I am fully aware that a joke referring to the significant other of a man shaped like a tire the “other half” is right there in all of our faces. I am too mature for picking on people who aren’t my own size. I’ll allow a mailbox to make that jab at Big Ed.*

I don’t actually watch 90 Day Fiance because why would I ever pay for something I can see the best of for free on YouTube? That’s right TLC. You’re doing a bad job at promoting your shows via mini-clips online. They’re all I need for my dose of freaks. But please don’t delete anything 90 Day Fiance, My 600 Pound Life, or involving little people. It brings me great delight to see people different from me get into shouting matches. Because, after all, that’s what you have become: your own aisle in Walmart.

The thing about Big Ed is that he encompasses everything TLC, The Learning Channel, wants to promote. He’s in a relationship with a foreigner clearly for all of the wrong reasons, overweight, and pint size in height. He’s also a cheap man who got upset about giving away the equivalent of 10 cents. Granted, Filipino money is much different from American dollars. 50 pesos over there is equal to a dollar. To put it another away, you’d probably be a millionaire in the Philippines. It takes less than $25,000.

Big Ed’s adventures in the Philippines were much different from my experiences. My favorite of all is when he showers with Rose’s (his possibly-to-be future fiance) father in their home. Many people in the Philippines do not shower the way we are used to in American. They use something called a tabo which is essentially a small bucket to pour water on themselves. Some families have separate tabos to help clean their butts. Other families, I hope, punish bad children by also making the latter a cereal bowl.

I can relate to Big Ed. I was a fish out of water in the Philippines unfamiliar with their traditions and customs. I traveled there twice by myself and somehow only got ripped off half a dozen times.

If I was asked to shower with any of Jenny’s relatives, I would certainly think twice about where the relationship was going. Fortunately, her family isn’t as blind to what life in American is like as Big Ed’s once-future-in-laws. As Jenny has mentioned, there were times when they would ask if a particular food is something I eat because let’s face it, the foods popular there and here are a lot different.

Throughout Big Ed’s adventures sweating through the streets of the Philippines, I couldn’t help but put myself in his likely foul-smelling sandals. I, too, experienced the blistering heat of the equator after a lifetime of living in the United States. Air conditioning is a luxury over there. In the US, women ask to speak to a manager if the temperature rises above 70. And then they ask if there’s any gluten in the store.

It’s strange traveling to a foreign county for any reason at all even when it is for love. Big Ed, however, seemed to have ulterior motives as many 90 Day Fiance cast members do. It’s easy to see. I believe Big Ed wanted to get some attention for his photography career. His fiance Rose probably had a reason to go on 90 Day Fiance beyond just love. Who would ever subject themselves to having cameras follow them around in their first moments together unless there was another reason for it?

You may have come here to see me defend Big Ed. If so, I’m sorry to leave you disappointed.

In all seriousness, what did Big Ed’s kids get him for Father’s Day when they can’t give him a neck-tie? (Photo Courtesy of Entertainment Chronicle)

It’s tough to side with someone so unlikable. Although I can relate to his experiences, it’s not as if we have much in common. I don’t walk like a puffer fish holding my breath nor do I have the most vampire-proof neck on the planet.

I had a lot of fun making some jokes at the expense of Big Ed. In 2020, with so many other villains in the world, it’s good to have someone we can dislike for all of the right and wrong reasons at the same time.

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