Timmy’s dad frequently teased him that he lost his edge when he started to become happy. That is, when we started being in a relationship. In his defense, we used to be so much darker. Or at least had no problem showing it more often. By darker, I mean our cursed souls. Not our complexions–Timmy had always been white, and I had always been poop-skinned, with a dash of milk.
Yesterday I was going through our old individual blogs. He used to write more frequently in Mooselicker and I in Happiness is Not a Disease. If you read through those blogs, the OLDER posts especially, you’d know what I mean by dark. We were both cynical and bitter and sad and we both knew it and liked it. It’s a big part of who we are. In fact, to be blatantly honest, it’s what attracted us first to each other: our darkness. We found a kindred soul in each other. The odd part is we lived, literally, half a world away.
But you know that already.
What you didn’t know is we used to be two casual blogger friends who comment on each others blogs like this:
You get the idea.
We weren’t bubbly rays of sunshine back then. I wouldn’t dare say we’re already that now. Not quite. But I think our darknesses just got screened by a comforting cloud of love and joy from each other. And yet, we still have those dark little monsters come up from time to time. We always will.
And that’s okay.
For one, it inspired us to create. We created dark things. Dare I say beautiful things. It even drew us to love. Sometimes, there isn’t anything more useful to push you into doing things–taking risks–than your own miseries and hurts and sadness.
I think it’d be easier to accept, rather than hate, our darknesses. Because it would always be there. Look at nature–almost everything in it has shadows. The reason why the world is so beautiful is because of the awesome intermingling of shadows and lights.
That means being happy is okay, too.
Light and dark both have their own different yet equally captivating charms. We rather enjoy embracing both of them.
Because darkness is not always an enemy.
And happiness is not a disease. As my darkly wonderful husband said in our vows–happiness is us together.