I don’t think a week goes by where Jenny or I promise the other we’ll go on a diet. It’s silly, really. We’re engaged. We’re supposed to get really fat now. This is the perk of finding someone to love you.
Our unwillingness to accept this fate is a strange one. Perhaps because we’re so far apart and only get to see each other occasionally means we know when the time comes for a visit that we must be in the best shape of our lives. Maybe when we finally are together on a daily basis we’ll really let ourselves go.
While this theory does make sense I don’t think it’s the real reason why Jenny and I keep saying we’ll go on a diet. It’s society pressuring us to have a bikini bridge. We both know it’s a silly worry to have yet we continually attempt to diet. Then, without fail, we fail.
Throughout my adult life my weight has fluctuated. I went from 256 down to about 185 then back to 220 in the span of about three years. Then I went from 220 down to 154. Right now I’m about 170, probably in the range I should be without starving myself or overeating. Because I’m great at dieting for a short period of time then binge later on it kind of balances it out. I also exercise regularly which helps keep me from ballooning up too much although at the beginning of last summer I was struggling to stay below 180.
Dieting is clearly not for me. I mean, if I really had to, I could do it very well because I know EXACTLY what I should eat and how much of it. But I’m okay with breaking promises to myself. In reality, this is all you need in order to properly diet. You just need to accept you’re going to struggle with it.
I don’t really want to lose weight. I’m in the place where I just want to look less disgusting. I think this is something we all struggle with. It’s the insecure teenage girls inside all of us. I haven’t named mine yet and I’m not really sure how she got inside of me. I’ve heard spiders, an average of 10 per year, crawl inside people’s mouths and die. Maybe this is how the teenage girls got inside my body too.
Since Jenny is my only reason for dieting, other than not wanting to die too early, I’m torn. She accepts me for who I am no matter what weight the scale has me at. I feel the same way about her and when she insults her weight I want to shut her up by shoving a donut into her mouth; mostly so I can lick my fingers after.
Dieting is stupid when you get to a certain age. Unless it’s for your own health, enjoy food. It’s a big part of our lives and not something you should stress about. So what if you overeat one day? Nobody will love you any less. And if they do it’s probably only because you reached onto their plate and took away some delicious goodness they planned to touch their taste buds to.
My day one of my new diet starts tomorrow. Then it starts again the following day.