Two years and four months ago, I declared my love to Timmy. It was the riskiest, most heart-racing, potentially humiliating, and greatest thing I did ever. Every day since has been full of bliss, simply because of Timmy’s love.
I have never declared my love to a human being before. Declaration for me means something that one didn’t certainly know yet. Like when I tell mama I love her, she already knew that from the very first time I cried as a baby when she let go of me to make a formula or to maybe poop. Timmy and I have been friends for more than a year before he knew for sure that my feelings for him were more than just for your regular blogging buddy where you try to exchange clever comments on each other’s blogs.
The exact time I declared to him though was also the first time I wholly acknowledged my feelings. I was still somehow bound in the tangles of a previous relationship that time. I didn’t wanna start a new relationship at all too since I haven’t fully broken free yet.
But this blog post from a dying man changed the game. It is truly worth reading if you wanna live your life with more meaning. His words are full of simple wisdom yet truly profound. It touched me deeply.
One line hit me more than the others though: DECLARE YOUR LOVE.
It was around 4 P.M., Manila time. Earlier that day I read about silly Timmy writing a self-deprecating post on his now-defunct Yahoo Voices page. He sort of called himself “Drunky McPotato O’Boyle” because of his Irish ancestry. Then he listed out in that post why he’s so undesirable and why Malin Akerman would not consider marrying him.
It was amusing and annoying at the same time because this man doesn’t know how BEAUTIFUL he is. I wanted to call him out–even though it was a humorous article–but I was too shy. What if he thinks I’m attracted to him? (Which I am.) What if he thinks I’m hitting on him? (Which I will do later in the day.) Also, the previous night, he posted about how he lost a contest he really tried hard to win. Plus, there’s the fact that we haven’t talked in a couple of weeks because we were both so busy with our jobs (ugh work) and I missed him.
All those things somehow hit me at the same time just as I read that line: Declare your love.
There was only one person that kept barging in my mind from there. I finished reading the post without my whole focus because Timmy thoughts are rude and want attention and won’t even let me focus without taking action.
It was a bold and risky move that kept me on the edge of my seat for several hours. WTF did I just do? I was so restless and fidgety and out of my focus. I never did anything of that sort before. Part of me did not want him to reply because I was afraid a.) It would just be in a form of rejection (e.g. “Thank you” and just that. It happened to him before.) b.) Of what it would lead to. c.) It would change the good friendship we shared d.) All of the above.
But part of me was just happy that at least, I hope, knowing that I love him would make him feel a bit better.
That evening though, when he replied, it was me who felt that and more.
That one email I sent him contained a single-sentence declaration of love. It was very simple, but genuine and sweet. And the subject matter of that contained his Irish bloodname which I mentioned above. Surely, he should have been certain that it was meant for him!
So yes, there goes the official beginning of our love story. I say “official” because that’s how we have been officially a couple. Our love had its roots much earlier than that though, back when we still needed each other’s “professional help”. (Yes, an inside joke. I’m sorry. But just a bit.)
If there is one thing you could take out from this post though, let it be that one line I took from good ‘ol Mr. Jay Lake.
Declare your love.